I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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