Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
