with your own penis?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I enjoy the company of your penis
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
