Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
