Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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