having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
