Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i need an iv and a liver transplant
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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