Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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