Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
