so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Boobs are out for the taking
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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