so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
