Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
