Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
