I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
