Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
