Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
