So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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