I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
