Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
