He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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