i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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