I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
