I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
