Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
