tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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