I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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