I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
