Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
