If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
