dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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