Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
