Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
