It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
