the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
even my farts smell like vagina
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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