franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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