Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
