unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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