we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have aggressive nipples.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
