The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
