You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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