I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
