Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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