I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
