if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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