Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
