if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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