the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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