my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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