You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
this just has baby written all over it
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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