dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
