why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
