i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
