We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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